Livin’ on a Prayer and growing doubts.

I think that ancient Bon Jovi song pretty much sums up my life right now. Guess what, it’s exam time again -_- one down, 3 to go, but that first one did not go well at all. Right now I’m studying my bottom off for the next one tomorrow, but all the while anxiety and doubts keep growing. What if I don’t make it? Well, if I don’t make it, then I will need to go through the same hassle again as after high school. Decide what I want to study, find universities, narrow the search, choose some, apply, hope to get accepted, hopefully get accepted, move, adjust, start over… pffff. I hate starting over. It’s like when you die in a game just before you finished a mission.

I want to continue what I am doing now because it is interesting! I also happened to turn 20 yesterday and I really want to grow, move on, not be stuck in this phase anymore… At the same time I have also grown a lot spiritually since I started on my path, and would love to help others to do the same and get in touch with the Divine as well… not exactly what to do with an engineering degree is it…

…I’m slightly frustrated right now as you can see. Guess I’ll go vent itΒ into some physical activity involving sharp projectiles, and then get back to studying.

kitty hugs to all~


6 thoughts on “Livin’ on a Prayer and growing doubts.

  1. Belated birthday congratulations πŸ™‚ I also remember when that song first came out … I was at an age that the album title created a huge stir in my school class – we all knew it was supposed to mean something, even though the meaning of the title was still lost on most of us. I remember we all ran around and asked each other if we were slippery when wet, making sure of course that the teachers didn’t hear us, then snickered at each other regardless what the answer was. The school janitor, mopping in the hallway, was the source of great entertainment for at least a month because he had a sign that also said slippery when wet. I usually don’t think much on those years – the ‘Era of Embarrassment’ – but now you’ve gone and reminded me … I will probably have that song and an image of the janitor in my head all day! You’re right, the song is ancient … making anyone old enough to actually remember the song’s debut about old enough to start being someone’s ancestor πŸ˜‰

    You might be surprised how engineering might help you to bring people in contact with the divine. Your bio says you are a Physics enthusiast: keep in mind that there was a time when science and religion were both part of the same domain. It’s a result of the Enlightenment period that science and religion were so strongly separated in Western culture. Stonehenge, as an example, was more than likely the engineering feat of an inspired priest; and to this day, modern engineers still haven’t figured out the full logistics and construction involved. Science is a description of the way things work in Nature. What better way to understand – and help others understand – the workings of the gods, than to understand the ways in which they work? I wish you luck with your exams and educational endeavors!

    Liked by 1 person

      • The choice is clear, then: either you get others in your ‘hood to see things your way; learn to enjoy being the anomaly in your ‘hood; or move yourself to a new ‘hood, where more people can see your point of view and appreciate just how cool it really is πŸ™‚

        Liked by 1 person

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