Livin’ on a Prayer and growing doubts.

I think that ancient Bon Jovi song pretty much sums up my life right now. Guess what, it’s exam time again -_- one down, 3 to go, but that first one did not go well at all. Right now I’m studying my bottom off for the next one tomorrow, but all the while anxiety and doubts keep growing. What if I don’t make it? Well, if I don’t make it, then I will need to go through the same hassle again as after high school. Decide what I want to study, find universities, narrow the search, choose some, apply, hope to get accepted, hopefully get accepted, move, adjust, start over… pffff. I hate starting over. It’s like when you die in a game just before you finished a mission.

I want to continue what I am doing now because it is interesting! I also happened to turn 20 yesterday and I really want to grow, move on, not be stuck in this phase anymore… At the same time I have also grown a lot spiritually since I started on my path, and would love to help others to do the same and get in touch with the Divine as well… not exactly what to do with an engineering degree is it…

…I’m slightly frustrated right now as you can see. Guess I’ll go vent it into some physical activity involving sharp projectiles, and then get back to studying.

kitty hugs to all~